vampi1960

24 May 2012

Sexy British James bond spoof

years ago i purchased this drive in double feature from the company;sinister cinema,the 2nd film is;when women had tails(70)it alsofeatures all the drive in intermission countdowns,snack bar stuff,etc;anyway zeta one(titled love factor on this double bill)is a fun Jamesbondish spoof from 1969,it features lots of soft core nudity,andpsychedelic images.its about an amazon like race of scantily cladsuperwomen that must fight enemy agents and such,robin hawden(whendinosaurs ruled the earth)is a secret agent like James bond whodiscovers the amazon race and helps them.its no classic but its ararity to see a film like this.its drive in fare the 2nd featurehowever is very silly and lowbrow.but entertaining.look for sexyValerie Leon,the busty brunette actress from hammers;blood from themummy's tomb(74)as one of the amazonions.i thought it was a silly butentertaining little film.i recommend it.8 out of 10.

Mark_D-2

23 May 2012

British sexploitation

If anything, "Zeta One" (a.k.a. "The Love Factor" and "Alien Women")provesthat the U.S.A. doesn't have a lock on cheesy soft-core porn movies. Inthis one, a race of alien women (many of whom run around topless) kidnapearth women to repopulate their world. What sounds like a fun spoof ofspymovies and sci-fi flicks fails miserably, due to many factors, not theleastof which is that there's simply no point of view. The cast (and thescript)seem to meander around without any real purpose. The secret agentcharacter, James Word (played by Robin Hawdon of "When Dinosaurs Ruled theEarth") seems to have two purposes in the movie: to have sex with everywoman who crosses his path, and smoke cigarettes, since he doesn't seem todo anything else. A part like his takes a deft comedic touch, whichHawdonjust doesn't have. The story is told in flashback, and the framingsequences featuring Hawdon and lovely Yutte Stensgaard seem to indicatetrouble with the original film (Hawdon has a moustache in the main body ofthe film, but is without it in the framing sequences). Scenes dealingwitha strip-poker game and Word's ultimate fate go on for what seems like aneternity without any real payoff. And top-billed James Robertson Justicegives a textbook example of a "where's-my-paycheck?" type performance.TheBritish have a reputation for stuffiness, and if this movie is anyindication, it is a reputation well-deserved.

TimothyFarrell

23 May 2012

An entertaining slice of mod silliness with plentiful nudity

"Zeta One" offers proof that the Americans weren't the only onescapable of making bad sexploitation comedies in the 60s. The Britishwere churning them out as well, and if "Zeta One" is slightly moreclassy than its stateside counterparts, its just as dumb. However, itsalso reasonably entertaining if you're a fan of 60s mod style kitsch asI am. Its a combination of various stock genres (the super spyespionage tale, a race of extra-terrestrial and attractive females, theRichard Lester-esquire mod tale, and as mentioned earlier the nudiefilm). For some reason, its agglomeration of all these swinging 60sgenres is pretty unique. Most people will be bored with this, but Ienjoyed it a good deal.As mentioned earlier, this is a pretty poorly made and cheap film. Thehumor isn't funny, but is enjoyable in that dated pop-art style. Thedirection by Michael Cort is workmanlike and there's plenty filler. Astrip poker sequence in particular is completely erroneous andobviously added to pad out the running time. Its watchable thoughbecause of how absolutely gorgeous the leading lady Yutte Stensgaardis. There's the wide array of eye-popping colors associated with thiskind of film, as well as some occasional crazy moments of psychedelictrippiness. The effects are cheap but a good deal of fun to watch."Zeta One" is pretty dumb, but fans of cult cinema and mod sillinesswill like it. I'm sure Austin Powers himself Mike Meyers is a fan, andwhile its nowhere nearly as good as "Danger: Diabolik", its still muchbetter than anyone of Pierce Bronson's attempts at playing James Bond.(6/10)

gavcrimson

23 May 2012

In the future all women will dress like this.

Spoilers: included.Kicking off the sporadic genre of British comedies that served up softcorenudity with sci-fi trimmings, 1969's Zeta One was itself based on a shortlived photo-magazine that obsessed on models scantily dressed infuturisticclothes. At its liveliest the film contains recreations of kinkyphoto-shootfavourites like catfights and underwear clad dollies in torture chambertableau, as well as colourful scenes of alien women discreetly disguisedinidentical black wigs and thigh-high Carnaby Street fashions. Sadly themovieversion of Zeta One is also saddled with the tiresome exploits of RobinHawdon -wooden lead of When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth- playing a poorman'sJames Bond.Slow to start the film's first quarter of an hour is a mercilessly statictwo-hander between Hawdon and his boss's secretary as they drink, deliverpages of inconsequential dialogue and generally make goo-goo eyes at eachother. Despite containing the film's first show of flesh- they also getround to playing strip-poker- this is padding at its most painful and justseems to go on forever. Eventually Hawdon narrates flashbacks of some'veryextraordinary business' concerning the Angvians, a strange race of womenfrom outer space who kidnap pretty girls then brainwash them withkaleidoscope-type optical effects. One such abductee, Soho stripperEdwinaStrain ('please call me Ted') gets bustled into a car by Angvian women inbroad daylight then is treated to a guided tour of their lair. Lookinglikethe set of a Children's programme, Angvian HQ includes such delights asthe'the contemplation room', 'the self revelation room' and not forgetting'thestatic time area'. Incredulously in the middle of this already ridiculousscenario up pops Charles Hawtrey- clearly in a pay cheque role betweenCarryOn's- as Swyne, the second in command of a sinister organisation out toputan end to the Angvian's capers. Campy and cowardly as ever, Hawtrey'sCarryOn persona dictates his character as he follows Angvian women aroundLondononly to get on the wrong side of a far more terrifying force in irate Busclippie Rita Webb.Understandably Hawdon struggles to make any sense out these events, andwithalien women and misplaced comedy veterans rubbing shoulders lets face itwhowouldn't. Indeed when he relates the tall tale to the secretary as pillowtalk she responds with 'oh you're making this rubbish up', a fine epitaphfor the film. A virtually asleep James Robertson Justice plays the film'svillain Major Bourdon, a roly-poly and seemingly inebriated creep whoenjoyschasing alien women around his Scottish estate as if they were game.Robertson Justice's complete apathy towards appearing in the film is allupthere on screen, he clearly hasn't learnt the script. At one stageDirectorMichael Cort reportedly had to tape Bourdon's dialogue to the actor'strouser leg. Cheekily, during the scene in question Cort inserts leeryshots of a girl's thighs to 'explain' Robertson Justice's motivation forspending much of the scene glancing down.There is more than a hint of post-production troubles in the final film.The disjoined feel gives the impression large amounts of plot ended up onTigon's cutting room floor, particularly noticeable is the lack of adramatic comeuppance for Bourdon with Robertson Justice simplydisappearingtowards the end. The film's biggest abnormality though has to the Hawdoncharacter. Very much like Ken Parry in Come Play with Me, Hawdon isalwayskept at arm's length from the main story and is never called upon tominglewith most of the other characters. All of which fuels suspicion thatHawdon's scenes were either shot separately or merely added by Tigon in anattempt to make sense of it all, he does after all spend the first 15minutes desperately trying to explain the upcoming plot! His scenes bearall the hallmarks of a regular Tigon ghost director in their blandness andopportunistic employment of full female nudity and sex scenes to spice upafilm that otherwise offers nothing hotter than topless women prancingaroundin asexual situations. Hawdon's mysterious lack of interaction with therest of the characters is most hilariously obvious in his absence from theclimatic bust up between alien women and men in deerstalker hats. Thereason he's unable to join in the fight? ........he has to go back to hiscar to collect some Wellington boots!The climax also serves as the film's inglorious highlight with 'starletsasalien women' running around the British countryside freezing theirbacksidesoff while pretending to fire invisible rays from their hands, and trying(and in one instance failing) not to break out laughing. WhilstEuro-trouper Brigitte Skay managed to drum up a fair amount of publicityforthe film- photos of her in a revealing space-age bikini earned Zeta Onethecover of both Continental Film Review and Cinema X magazine -it wasn'tuntilthe 1995 video re-release that the film really found an audience. Onvideoand DVD the film has since gone on to achieve a degree of novelty statusonaccount of many of its female cast members later finding success in Hammerhorror and comedy roles. Not that many of these actresses have fondmemories of the production, Yutte Stensgaard claimed she felt exploited byher then father-in-law/manager who in a spivvy turn didn't tell her abouther nude scenes until she turned up on set, while the late Imogen Hassallwas known to joke a higher force must have been looking out for her thedayshe turned down the opportunity to play an 'Angvian girl'. Valerie Leon'ssole memory of the production was one movie wonder Cort being a somewhatstrange chap. Then again if you've seen the film you've probably guessedthat already.

gridoon2011

23 May 2012

Trippy, with lots of eye-candy, but falls short of its potential

"Zeta One" (what's with the "Love Factor" nonsense?) is a curious mixof a spy spoof and a sci-fi sex comedy. The two parts rarely interactwith each other, as Robin Hawdon's suavely bumbling secret agent spendsmost of his time in bed, usually in the company of a pretty woman,while most of the action takes place around London and in Zeta'sextra-dimensional all-woman universe. For all its psychedelic effectsand topless women, "Zeta One" is not nearly as exciting as it sounds:the comedy is rarely funny, some women are shown training inhand-to-hand combat but in the "action" climax they just zap the badguys with invisible rays coming out of their fingers, the story oftenmakes little sense (if the Zeta women can teleport themselves at will,why don't they just teleport themselves out of trouble when they getcaptured?), and even at just 82 minutes, the film feels padded. On theplus side, some of the women - especially Yutte Stensgaard and WendyLingham - show not only their wonderful bodies but some comic talent aswell. ** out of 4.

20 May 2012

Quite possibly the most ridiculous movie ever made

I paid special attention to the end credits of this film, fully expecting to see a formal apology by everyone associated with the making of this indescribably bad film. It is bad enough that this film was actually made, but now a company called Salvation has made this one of the first two releases of its Jezebel lineup of DVDs. Don't let the presence of scantily clad and topless women fool you - Zeta One is an abysmal film. I don't know who the looker on the box cover is - no one this attractive can be found in the film. This 1969 British film is supposedly kitschy, whatever that really means; from what I can tell, it means embarrassingly ridiculous. If you read the summary of the film, you will be wondering if you were sent the wrong movie as you watch the opening third of the movie. This may be the most boring twenty-five minutes ever caught on film; even the big strip poker scene is mind-numbingly tedious. Worst of all, we have to spend so much time with the film's main character James Word. I would not even insult James Bond by calling James Word a poor spoof of the man. Word is a spy of some sort who spends most of his time in bed. This is made possible by strange women who magically appear in his apartment from out of the blue. Girl number one is his boss' secretary, which allows her to see through Worth's "brilliant" fake moustache disguise; she pumps him for information about his latest mission, but he has other things on his mind. Did I mention the fact that Worth is a pitiful, rather slimy specimen of manhood? Anyway, Worth eventually opens up and tells girl number one this incredible story about a race of superwomen and the master criminal who tried to conquer them. Yes, a Major Bourdon and his bespectacled dweeb of an assistant Mr. Swyne have learned of the existence of a race of superwomen who live - well, no one really knows where they live; we do know they kidnap selected Earth women in order to brainwash them and make them a part of their female-only society. Major Bourdon is determined to get to the bottom of this for some reason that is never explained. Luckily for him, the Zeta women (Zeta is the name of their leader; I could never understand the name they were given in the film) all dress in identical mini-dresses and go-go boots, making it easy to follow them. (The mini-dresses and go-go boots are pretty much all this film has going for it.) Swyne learns that a certain stripper (actually, none other than the "Queen of the G-strings") is to be the next kidnapped girl, and Bourdon puts his plan in motion of discovering how (and where) to conquer these alien women. It all goes downhill from here. I won't describe the silly information we learn about the mysterious Amazon-like women's society or Word's proclivity for bedding every strange woman that appears from out of nowhere in his bedroom. Word does finally drag himself out of bed toward the end of the film, but he soon returns to the only place he seems to care about. Don't worry too much about the alien women; they have a Plan 69 for anything, it seems. You won't believe the weapon these girls use on silly human men, but you will see the absolutely predictable ending coming from a mile away.Truly, Zeta One (aka Alien Women) is one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. You can have a lot of fun with this film if you make a big party out of it and settle in with a bunch of friends to watch what is the ultimate embodiment of cinematic silliness; apparently, this film exists only for the purpose of being laughed at. Keep a special eye out for the big and absolutely ridiculous "elevator" scene.

Freddie Perl

20 May 2012

The Lovely Yutte Stensgaard!

Well I liked it!If you're a fan of Yutte Stensgaard (cor!) it's a goodie - she appearsthroughout.A good cast in a strange mixture of Doctor/Carry On/Spy spoof (watchfor the Harry Palmer lookalike!) & Sci-fi, containing much femalepulchritude!There's Rita Webb as a bus conductress, & watch out for CarolHawkins - Sharon Eversleigh from 'Please Sir'.The woodland finale, inexplicably, reminded me of The Avengers.And did I mention Yutte? Cor! :D

20 May 2012

Better Than Expected

Secret Agent James Word (I guess his word is his bond) has just returned from a mission. He is met by his superior's assistant (his superior is UU (Double-U like an upside down M)). She plays coy and sexy but really just wants the details of his mission. During breaks in apparent intimacy he recounts his tale.He has been investigating a Major Bourdin who has been have a series of run ins with a mysterious force of women. They are led by Zeta and have the ability to teleport. It is unknown if they are from space, the future or another dimension, but they have set up a colony of women. They add to the colony through kidnaping and brainwashing.The film appears to have made no attempt at being erotic (check out the strip poker scene as an example) and the plotting is wooden (although some of the actual acting is quite good).In the end we learn what the secretary is really up to and the final fate of James. I have to say that I enjoyed it more than I thought I would based on the other reviews.

MARIO GAUCI

19 May 2012

ZETA ONE (Michael Cort, 1969) 12

I believe I first became aware of this sci-fi/sexploitationer via thebiography for actress Valerie Leon included among the extras on theAnchor Bay DVD of Hammer's superior BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB (1971);incidentally, the film under review was made by rival company Tigon.To begin with, the script was apparently inspired by a comic strip(such cinematic adaptations were all the rage at the time – no doubt,the makers were encouraged by the success of BARBARELLA [1968]). Still,even reading through the cast list, I knew not to raise my 'artistic'hopes too highly – given that it featured both James Robertson-Justiceand Charles Hawtrey, stalwarts of (respectively) the popular "Doctor"and "Carry On" comedy franchises…who actually turn out to be thevillains of the piece!! The narrative drew heavily on anotherthen-current fad i.e. espionage – in fact, the hero is a stud-likealbeit laid-back secret agent who naturally proves irresistible to thealien women (actually, an alternate moniker for the film) the titularfigure (played by veteran Dawn Addams) sends his way in order to derailhis investigation into the abduction of several earth girls.That said, the plot is barely there and becomes especially confusing –not to say silly – during the latter stages; for what it's worth, thefilm culminates in a chase wherein the otherworldly gals kill virtuallyall of their male pursuers simply by pointing their fingers at them(accompanied by the incongruous noise of gunshots)!! Needless to say,ZETA ONE's raison d'etre and prime asset is its relentless parade ofinnumerable but anonymous starlets of the era in the nude or otherwisescantily-clad: the above-mentioned Valerie Leon herself is underused,but fellow future Hammer lead Yutte Stensgaard – who engages the hero(to whom he's recounting his non-exploits) in a lengthy and decidedlyirrelevant game of strip-poker – comes off quite well (no punintended). Also worth mentioning are the low-budget but appropriatelypsychedelic sets and the title tune (featuring a reasonably effectiveguitar riff).

kmoh-1

17 May 2012

Weird, in a bad way

Most of the time, when you watch a film, you think about the filmitself, the narrative, the people in it, the cinematography etc. Inthis case, you spend half the time wondering what the film-makers weretrying to do. It really is worth emphasising what a weirdie this oneis. Weird in a bad way.It is incredibly disjointed. The stars remain completely separated.James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtrey are in one lot of scenes.Robin Hawdon sans moustache and Yutte Stensgaard are in another lot. RHavec moustache is in a third lot, and Dawn Addams appears in a fourth.There is no overlap between these. The opening twenty minutes with thecharisma-free Hawdon & dear old Yutte playing strip poker are soexcruciatingly dull that you wonder how many people lasted the coursein the days before fast forward buttons. Or maybe pause buttons.Of course the story is intended to be quirky, and the makers wereobviously going for a Barbarella-type vibe. OK, but this one isdownright strange. Some of the odd bits include: a completelyunmotivated dialogue between James Word and a grumpy lift; the bizarreincident of James Word's moustache, revealed as false in the openingscene; overdubs of Major Bourdon's added dialogue, which sound nothinglike James Robertson Justice, but passably like Basil Brush; James Wordbeing fed an aphrodisiac diet of oysters and what appears to beMackeson Stout; the British secret service employing an American bossand a Scandinavian secretary; the mystery of why Charles Hawtrey'sbottom is bitten by one of his own dogs.Other commentators have unpicked the relationships between the variousbits of the film - it looks like the Justice/Hawtrey scenes were shotfirst, and then the Hawdon/moustache scenes shot to make sense of them,and then the Hawdon/no moustache scenes shot to make sense of them.Stensgaard's lines about what rubbish it all is are clearly atongue-in-cheek admission of the blindingly obvious. Naturally, thewhole thing is a thin excuse for some girlie nudity (and that also islaid on thicker in the scenes shot later, as if they realised thatnudity would be the film's only saving grace). The basic idea oftopless aliens invading Earth is a very amusing one. But given the castthere really is no excuse for making such an awful picture.The nadir of the film is the jokey kidnap-and-torture sequence abouthalf way through. Not erotic, just a gigantic lapse of taste,unredeemed by the reappearance of the kidnapped girl towards the end.That is the problem with this film in its most egregious aspect - it isjust not likable enough.

swnthom

16 May 2012

Zeta-One Zeta-Nothing

Promises good atmosphere for all those that like 70's englishexploitation but in the end it lays there and really refuses to focus onit's point. Strip poker scene with Yutte Stensgaard does go on forever, asMark D-2 says, without major payoff. There are better of this genre outthere

15 May 2012

no redeeming social - or any other - value.

This review is from: Zeta One (DVD) Boy, it's not often you find a film that is this amateurish in so many ways. The comedy isn't funny, the nudity is anerotic. The plot makes no sense. It has terrible pacing and editing and cinematography and so forth and so on.If the dialog had been written by Ed Wood, it would be exactly like an Ed Wood film, and that would be a major improvement.

Lubin Odana

15 May 2012

Impertinence!

Truly one of the WORST films of all time - and worth watching just to spotthe numerous narrative holes, terrible acting and risabledialogue.A group of women led by Zeta One live in another dimension - their home iscalled Angvia (guess what that's an anagram of). They kidnap earth womenandspirit them off to Angvia in the back of big truck - I suspect that thebigtruck IS actually Angvia. It's not understood why they kidnap women orwhatthey do with them when they get to Angvia, which looks like the inside ofalava lamp.Meanwhile, Major Bourden (James Robertson Justice) and his assistant Swyne(Charles Hawtrey) are trying to find out how to get to Angvia, because thewomen have thwarted their plans several times (it's never adequatelyexplained what their plans are), nor if the Angvians are good or bad -theydo kidnap women, but then they appear to be heroines.Meanwhile again, James Word (a kind of low-grade James Bond figure) tellsthe story of all this in flashback to a pretty blonde. However, James Wordhas hardly any contact with any of the other characters in the film - youget the impression that all of his scenes were filmed as an after-thought,in order to add some sort of narrative coherence to the storyline - but infact the reverse happens.There's lots of softcore (female) nudity, chasing and silliness. Thespecialeffects ain't that special. It's a complete mess. You MUST see it tobelievehow bad it is. The best thing about it is the soundtrack, which tries toemulate a kind of sub-Barbarella kistchness at times.