Bruce L. Jones

22 May 2012

A wasted dollar

I made the mistake of letting a friend talk me into going to see this.This is a very thinly veiled Anti-American, Pro-Illegal Immigrationpropaganda piece so badly made the political message is all thatendures the stench. The plot is a continuous litany of trite clichésseemingly so deliberately patched together they may as well have usedduct tape, all supported by a large cast of extras from Low Ridermagazine. There isn't a moment of originality or, for that matter,quality to be found. It's not even executed well enough to beconsidered a satire.The most surprising thing is that the small collection of actors whoare supposed to be actually able to act seem to have suspended theirabilities in this "film" to the point where I almost wondered iflook-alike's had been enlisted to put a false face on the wholeendeavor. That list begins with Robert De Niro and also includes,Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal (although his acting abilityhas always been open to speculation) and Don Johnson. There were onlytwo performances that would pass muster as being close to a genuineeffort, those being given by the ever lovely Jessica Alba and thealluring Michelle Rodriguez.I should, perhaps, mention the top billing is for Danny Trejo, whogives a very wooden, unbelievable performance. Luckily, so much aroundhim is so bad his performance will blend in with the rest.De Niro turns in a laughable performance as a bad-cliché of aconservative, stereotyped politician. Lindsey Lohan, who has notexactly been the darling of the press of late, played a fledglinginternet porn actress. There is a scene where a bad body double triesto insinuate she's Lohan topless but it's very obviously not her, whichmay disappoint some of her adolescent male fans.Alba played her role as an ICE agent more-or-less straight enough, if alittle tongue-in-cheek, so as not to embarrass herself. Her legions ofyoung male fans will at least be rewarded by a nice, brief, extremelygratuitous, implied nude scene she decorates with elegance. Thank youJessica ...The most praise I have for any of the company here is for the verywatchable Michelle Rodriguez looking the best I've seen her since BlueCrush. Her character is almost as over the top as Trejo's, but shecarries it off with far more class and talent; especially when sheappears near the end in her black goddess of revenge costume, completewith black eye patch and attractive black bikini top. She makes a niceposter girl for revolutionaries everywhere.If you don't see this "film" you're not missing anything you'd regret.

22 May 2012

Blood and Guts

This review is from: Machete (DVD) Robert Rodriguez is one of my favorite director's, ever since El Mariachi I have been bowing to his feet...but this, I just didn't see the point. There was no FEELING to this massacre piece, it was just senseless violence. Usually Rodriguez has a talent for mixing his blood and guts with inane humor, but this wasn't even funny. It was like watching one of those 10 Ways To Die video's. And the ideal that anyone would want to see an old, fat Steven Segal is far beyond me, it was like watching a corpse come to life, only to die again, on screen. I'm sure Rodriguez got the idea from Tarrintino, who's famous for bringing back the dead, but this is one of those times when the dead should've stayed dead.

21 May 2012

Great Movie, Great Acting Worth Every Penny....!

This Movie deserves a FIVE STAR RATING.Most negative reviews about this movie come from Racist, homophobic, sexist and Anti-Immigration extemists.This movie is basicallly a sarcastic, sad ,dramatic and very funny perspectives of the lives of simple people who are just trying to gain their freedom from their abusers.Watch this at your own risk..

Geoff Berkshire

21 May 2012

Pro-illegal ideology won't win any fans at Fox News, but it's the only thing close to a point of view in an otherwise unfocused, overstuffed trip to the grindhouse.

oneguyrambling

18 May 2012

2010s must see at your local drive in.

More than anything else it is important to understand that Machete is afilm made by Robert Rodriguez.It is now 15 years since he first gained notoriety through Desperado, afilm about a lone Mexican fighting against injustice and gunning forrevenge against those who wronged him. He has been making the same filmever since, and I like all of them.Since Rodriguez has found his niche and is perfectly intent in it weknow certain givens going in...There will be too many characters. On both sides, good and bad. Thescript will struggle at times as it tries to find time to highlightthem all.There will be a great number of "name" actors (De Niro, Alba, MichelleRodriguez), some Robert Rodriguez specials that seem to appear in allhis films (Machete himself - Danny Trejo, Cheech Marin, Tom Savini),and some non-actors (His nieces, his doctor, his real estate agent,Lindsay Lohan).The "hero" will be quiet, brooding, menacing but 112% deadly. Andfacing insurmountable odds.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^And all of the above is true in this case, as it was in El Mariachi,Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, even Planet Terror.(I'm not sure about Spy Kids, haven't tracked that down yet.)In this case Machete loses his wife and child and is left for deadbefore the opening credits even roll.He is then hired - though forced is a more accurate descriptor - tokill a US Senator who is vehemently against illegal Mexican immigrantsand has built his whole campaign around keeping them out by whatevermeans necessary. Only Machete is set up and gunned down, once againleft for dead.Like a horror movie slasher though it takes more than a few bullets anda little fatal stabbing to keep a good man down, and the rest of thefilm has Machete and various good guys gunning down and being gunneddown by various bad guys.Recover. Refresh. Revenge.The violence is graphic and plentiful, ditto the nudity... but too manypeople will focus on the fact that Lindsay Lohan finally appeared in aprofitable film - for about 6 minutes.It would have been a great drive in movie, but it's 2010. Now Machetewill gain notoriety because it has a few stars that appear prominentlyin tabloids, and because most film reviewers will be facing this typeof film for the first time, not having previously slummed it in videostores.Machete is quite enjoyable, entertainingly and gobsmackingly violent,especially early and eminently forgettable. Nonetheless the film didleave me knowing more about how things work in Rodriguez-World...In Rodriguez-World* Necks are made of butter.* Hot naked chicks can still carry stuff.* Even after decapitating a victim it is a good idea to still have aparting hack at the headless torso.* The human intestine is incredibly strong and apparently easy to graband hold on to.* You can eat a burrito and fight at the same time.* A 42 kilogram woman can not only be a cop, but work and live alonewithout ever being menaced.* Minions are plentiful and faceless.* You can kill someone with practically anything (there are moredifferent killing weapons in machete than any other film I have everseen).* Steven Seagal is 50 kilos heavier than he was in the 90s - and stillcan't act.Final Rating - 7.5 / 10. Don't construe any of the above as beingnegative (aside from the too many characters vying for plot attention),even though Rodriguez makes the same movie over and again - it's a damnfun movie.

18 May 2012

Danny Trejo for President!!!

This movie is just bunches of fun. It's bloody and ridiculous. It's funny. It's super, super violent. It's got Danny Trejo playing the best character he's ever played and it's just really fun to watch. The only reason I put four stars instead of five is because it's about half an hour too long as there are about a hundred extraneous subplots, but four stars is still great, right? I even loved Jessica Alba in this and I usually find her really annoying, but the movie belongs to the great Trejo.PLEASE TO SEQUELIZE!!!!

18 May 2012

cutting edge camp!

This review is from: Machete (DVD) for those who love camp and blood, this is a great movie to watch. Break out the sharpening stones and your favorite blade and sit back with the bowl of popcorn as you watch some serious blood-letting. For those who wondered what LiLo looks like in the nude, this is the movie. although it is a stretch to see her dressed as she is near the end of the movie.

Matt Pais

17 May 2012

If other movies feel increasingly emo, Machete is heavy metal. This manly feast eats The Expendables for breakfast.

florinmax

16 May 2012

Really bad film... but with hot babes

The only reason to see this film is for the very hot beauties: thenaked girl Mayra Leal, Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba. Otherwise,the recipe used here worked well for Grindhouse but there is a pointwhen too much nonsense is exactly that: too much nonsense! StevenSeagal only has about 4-5 words in Spanish the entire film (he issupposed to be Mexican) and is not capable of delivering the rightaccent for just that much. Is that the best that Jessica Alba can do asfar as acting?! There is a reason why Danny Trejo only had thus farsecondary roles in films: he is not a real actor. And by that I mean heis THAT BAD! Too much bad acting, too much nonsense with the story...hot chicks, that's the only good thing in this film. And only MichelleRodriguez delivered in both hotness and acting.

Diva Velez

16 May 2012

A salsa-covered middle finger to racist, anti-Latino factions, the audacious, outrageously fun Machete is pure Tex-Mexploitation with all the gunfire, gore, explosions and two-fisted action that can fit into one film.

tzeup

09 May 2012

Should have been more fun

Sometimes RR makes great movies (From Dusk Till Dawn, Desperado, SpyKids (Yes its good!) and sometimes he doesn't. Machete should have beena FUN movie. Just like Planet Terror, its heart is in the right place,but also like Planet Terror, it fails somehow. It's funny, but notfunny enough. It's gory, but not gory enough. The actors are havingfun, but not having enough fun. Even though the movie is only 1 hour and 45 minutes long, it felt likeit was about 10 minutes too long. On the plus side, the movie LOOKED cool. Danny Trejo looked bad-ass,and Michelle Rodriquez - WOW - She looked fantastic. Jessica Albathough has a really awkward scene where she stands on a car to rallysome people together. It just doesn't work. It felt weak. It felt likesome 2nd or 3rd unit director was afraid to ask Alba for better acting. Probably one of the actors having the most fun (or was the most fun tosee) was Tom Savini. Savini is essentially playing the same guy healways plays, but so what. It's what you come to expect. He seems likea pretty solid actor though so it would be nice to see him do more inthe future. Anyway, an OK film, but I'd saw wait for video.

fonfixer

09 May 2012

This movie sucked a big taco

With all the big names in this movie you would have thought it would beworthwhile, I couldn't even finish the whole thing. It has some of theworst acting and/or story. The plot kinda falls apart and goes inseveral directions. There's the revenge for the killing of the family.There's the corrupt politician who's being double crossed by hisadviser who is being double crossed by somebody else. The vigilanteshave an on going war with the underground network of illegals crossingthe border, with both sides planning armed to the teeth. I know it'sonly a movie, but when a priest is killed in a church in real life it'sgonna get more then a casual mention on the local news, not in thismovie. The worst of all though is the political message about immigration! Itseems the movie is trying to make me feel bad about being white! It'strying to show how unfair we, as Americans, are to the Mexicanimmigrants who only want to come to America to work.I really think this movie was made by and for bleeding heart liberals.

07 May 2012

Just didnt cut it.

As soon as I heard DeNiro trying to do a Texas accent I quit watching it. What was he thinking? Did he lose a bet?

andrast79

07 May 2012

worst movie ever.

I don't have much to comment. This film is the worst copy of QuentinTarantino movies I have ever seen. Nothing is original, the charactersare a cheap copies from kill bill or inglorious bastards. I waste mytime with this movie. I am forced to write 10 lines about this movie.It's childish violence is both comic and useless. The characters has nopersonality and if I will try to remember this movie tomorrow a am surethat a will not remember anything. The story is ambiguous, thecharacters forget who they are during the film. This film is onlyuseful maybe for frustrated Mexican people who are coming back from theborders.

Safy

05 May 2012

Must watch for Rodriguez fans

Being a fan of Rodriguez (and Tarantino), I couldn't miss this movie. Iremember seeing its 'fake trailer' in GrindHouse, but never thought itwas going to be a movie. I mean, from the trailer, i felt it has tooclichéd to be taken up as a movie by either Tarantino or Rodriguez. Butthe movie was different from what I expected fro the trailer. Yes ithad all those 'cliche' element from that trailer, but it had aninteresting backdrop. It was about the 'illegal' Mexican immigrants inUS, their fight for survival, the Dirty politics and Drug mafia playingtheir parts all told in an interesting way by one of the masters ofsarcasm. It is definitely an interesting watch if you are a Rodriguezor Tarantino fan, even if you are not, u will enjoy watching it if youhave an eye for seeing beyond the obvious.

05 May 2012

Bloody bore.

Predictable plot, outlandish violence with a vengeance theme. Seems I have seen this movie before....like a million times, just different titles.

Kyle Smith

02 May 2012

[It] may be a weird combo of speechy and pulpy but it's also what another all-star bloodbath, The Expendables, should have been -- self-aware, flashy and fun.

cultfilmfan

02 May 2012

Machete

Machete was originally one of the fake trailers between the filmsPlanet Terror and Death Proof in the put together homage to 70'sexploitation films Grindhouse from Robert Rodriguez and QuentinTarantino that came out in 2007. I thought Grindhouse and both filmsplus the fake trailers were a lot of fun, but unfortunately filmgoersjust did not go to see it, so it did very poorly at the box office.There was news for awhile that the Machete fake trailer in the film wasgoing to be made into a real movie and then also at one point I heardit might be a direct to video film, which worried me because, so rarelyare any of those really good. Robert Rodriguez lucked out though andMachete became a major studio release. Wanting to satisfy my love ofthe 70's grind house and cult films I was looking forward to Machete.For those who read my review of last week's Piranha could tell I wasdisappointed with that effort. It had a lot of things going right forit, but it just wasn't pulled off to my complete satisfaction. Macheteon the other hand met my expectations and then some. To really get intothe plot of Machete would just spoil the film, but it is mostly anoutrageously over the top, cartoonishly violent and way out there filmin the same vein as the two films in the Grindhouse film from 2007.There were several things I really enjoyed about this film. Withoutgiving too much away the film does deal with Mexican Americancharacters and takes place in America where an electrified fence istrying to be build on a congressman's re-election campaign and we havea Sheriff Joe Arpaio type vigilante sheriff in this film enforcing theborder and using any means of violence to make sure the Mexicans do notcome over into the states. I thought this was perfect timing for amovie like this because over the past few months in Arizona, there hasbeen a lot of debate and hostility towards a new immigration bill andcops (like Sheriff Joe Arpaio) enforcing the law on anyone they thinkmay be an illegal immigrant. Watching interviews and stories about thisdebate on television, one thing that really struck me about it, wasthat the people opposed to legal immigration and such seemed to comeoff as racist, or having racist tendencies and a lot of these laws, orthe ones they want to go into effect seemed to be based on hatred andracial profiling. So to see all this lampooned in this movie with theseover the top characters, pleased me because I found all of it to beridiculous when I watched it on television originally. There is amessage to Machete underneath all the dismembered body parts and it isrelevant and very becoming of the times especially now and I admired itfor that. Also all the over the top acting in Machete was actuallypretty good. The characters over emphasized their lines and purposelymade it look like they were not good actors, but they actually did do agood job and made the film more entertaining because of it. The storyoffers no real character development, but I did not feel that it neededit because there was so much action and things going on that if theywere to include that I think it would weigh the film down and becometoo long and besides the audience who went to see it would most likelynot be that interested in that anyways. The style and mood of the 70'sexploitation films was here and I thought the filmmakers did a good jobtrying to bring that back. Not to mention that Machere is a veryentertaining film. If a lot of over the top violence and a ludicrousscript is not your type of movie, do not see Machete, but for others Ithink you will have a great time with it. People going into this moviewill have certain expectations for it and I think they will be metbecause mine were. Forget the other attempt to capture the 70'sexploitation in Piranha and go see Machete it is better in pretty muchevery single way and a lot more fun too. I had a blast with this filmand I hope more movies of this kind are made because they are greatsummer, or end of summer entertainment.

chinilla1010

02 May 2012

A good Social Justice Movie

Come on! I'm completely surprised of you people! I just saw this movie,and being in the best and most "looking-forward" mood I've been in twoweeks, I found myself sleeping at the end of this movie.It's sooooo very boring.There's not problem with the performances, neither the cinematography,nor the music score (which, by the way, I liked).The problem comes with the script, therefore the directing part of ittoo, and the editing.I know Rodriguez could have pulled out a better story. Not this "drama"thats shows us totally unconnected story lines.Something else: the publicity cheats. Maybe I'm a little bitdisappointed because I expected a more EXCITING little movie (i.e. TheFull Monty, Wide Awake, Pleasantville, etc.), but, no... I end up witha slow-paced story with boring characters.I sat down to watch the "Machete" at the Newport Cinema in Mead,Washington and I still am not sure what happened. I sort of associatethe movie with the time I was coming out of a general anesthetic andfelt as if I had been robbed of the sensation of time passing, aprofoundly important feeling for me. I still remember thinking thatRobert Rodriguez had stolen some time from me and that if I sued him,he would win . . . and take more time from me.This is the sort of movie that your extremely deep, touchy-feelyfriends say you MUST see! I went with my extremely deep, touchy-feelysister and when I came out of the theater and said, "Huh?", she gotextremely and deeply angry with me for not being touchy-feely enough.I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth and checked three clocksto reestablish my connection with linear time.One more thing: What's up with this "Machete" character. What did heever do for the plot? Maybe the movie makers needed more advising thanthe town people.

Chris Bumbray

02 May 2012

I had a good enough time.